You don’t understand. This is still a novelty to me. SIX MONTHS without a job, I mean this wasn’t some little blip in between jobs people, this was UNEMPLOYMENT!!!!! There were many explanation marks and capital letters involved too I might add. So now that it’s over, now that this thing that literally changed the shape of my life is gone, now I guess it’s time to readjust. And the folks who know me, well they know that change isn’t typically my number one favorite thing.
There are so many little things I simply forgot about. First of all, turns out I forgot about things like a BEDTIME. And how if I didn’t give myself one then I’m going to feel like roadkill in the morning. I mean, when you don’t have a job for six months, the only thing you’re getting up for is the Ellen show so you’re not exactly worried about hitting the sack at a decent hour. And even that I had on DVR so it wasn’t like I was stressed if I slept through it. Now there are alarm clocks, and things you will be late for, and OMG I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY. Adam of course feels no sympathy. I hoped he might feign some sympathy for me, I mean come on, at least pretend to feel my pain, but no.
What a hard ass.
Suddenly I think about things like chores, or errands, and they totally overwhelm me. When I was working full time after college I was this super multi-tasker, doing things on lunch, running errands after work, coming in early to get off early to make it to some appointment. I had lists, and reminders, and a day planner that would make doves cry (and yes I am aware that makes NO sense). Now I’m just brain dead. Like, “WAIT. You want me to go to work, and then before coming home you want me to stop at the store? HOW CAN I FIT THIS ALL INTO ONE DAY!?!?!?!”
Needless to say, Adam is still not providing me with any sympathy.
In all reality this will probably only take about a week to get back into the groove. I’m stubborn by nature, but luckily not incompetent. Before I know it I’ll be all, “Unemployment, what was that like? Look at me baking a cake, working, training the dog and knitting you a sweater all at the same time!” But until then, you bet I’m gonna whine, and complain, and scratch my head in public while looking really lost. Oh, and sigh loudly and dramatically for no apparent reason.
Because obviously I am the queen of rationality.