The Accidental Olympian

SO THIS IS WHAT HAVING A BOAT IS LIKE

The first thing Adam said to me when we hitched the boat to his truck two weeks ago was that, "A boat is a hole in the water you throw money into." I thought he was being dramatic. I mean seriously, how could it cost all that much to own a FREE boat? Turns out, a shit ton.

If I had my way we wouldn't have done a damn thing to that boat. Ok, maybe the trailer is 30 years old, so what if the safety straps are crumbling, and really I could care less about waterproofing the trailer lights. I forgot that Adam's motto for our house is that, "We don't do anything half ass." Sounded so nice when he proposed it way back when we were moving in together, but now I kinda wish I could make that motto go away. In two weeks this boat has gone through quite the makeover. And while Adam's been in the garage 'tinkering' I've been inside rolling my eyes.

I wanted to take the boat out on a lake the same week we brought it home, but Adam made me wait for safety. This weekend we finally chose a lake, packed a cooler, and took off. I have to say that it was so worth the wait. The minute we drove up to the boat launch it was like being initiated into a boating fraternity. I expected the other boaters to teach us the official handshake, and force us to binge drink while reciting the WA boater laws. Sadly, all they did was give us an update on the weather, share some fishing secrets and go about their business. I'm thinking though that since I'm now a member of this boat owners fraternity I'm redoing the rule book. Next rookie I see is totally doing a keg stand before being allowed to launch his vessel.

It's only right.

FAMILY PHOTO

I want this one framed, and sitting on the mantle ASAP. Or, maybe we can just use it as a Christmas card or something...

HI. MY NAME IS ASHLEY, & I HAVE A JOB.

You don't understand. This is still a novelty to me. SIX MONTHS without a job, I mean this wasn't some little blip in between jobs people, this was UNEMPLOYMENT!!!!! There were many explanation marks and capital letters involved too I might add. So now that it's over, now that this thing that literally changed the shape of my life is gone, now I guess it's time to readjust. And the folks who know me, well they know that change isn't typically my number one favorite thing.

 

There are so many little things I simply forgot about. First of all, turns out I forgot about things like a BEDTIME. And how if I didn't give myself one then I'm going to feel like roadkill in the morning. I mean, when you don't have a job for six months, the only thing you're getting up for is the Ellen show so you're not exactly worried about hitting the sack at a decent hour. And even that I had on DVR so it wasn't like I was stressed if I slept through it. Now there are alarm clocks, and things you will be late for, and OMG I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TODAY. Adam of course feels no sympathy. I hoped he might feign some sympathy for me, I mean come on, at least pretend to feel my pain, but no.

What a hard ass.

Suddenly I think about things like chores, or errands, and they totally overwhelm me. When I was working full time after college I was this super multi-tasker, doing things on lunch, running errands after work, coming in early to get off early to make it to some appointment. I had lists, and reminders, and a day planner that would make doves cry (and yes I am aware that makes NO sense). Now I'm just brain dead. Like, "WAIT. You want me to go to work, and then before coming home you want me to stop at the store? HOW CAN I FIT THIS ALL INTO ONE DAY!?!?!?!"

Needless to say, Adam is still not providing me with any sympathy.

 

In all reality this will probably only take about a week to get back into the groove. I'm stubborn by nature, but luckily not incompetent. Before I know it I'll be all, "Unemployment, what was that like? Look at me baking a cake, working, training the dog and knitting you a sweater all at the same time!" But until then, you bet I'm gonna whine, and complain, and scratch my head in public while looking really lost. Oh, and sigh loudly and dramatically for no apparent reason.

Because obviously I am the queen of rationality.

 

WHAT'S MY ANIMAL?

There is this married couple that Adam and I are friends with who happen to be really tall ass human beings. Somewhere in their relationship, being both very very tall, they seemed to latch onto the giraffe as their favorite animal. The animal that represents them as human beings, and probably a couple. Most likely in a, "HEY! THAT ANIMAL IS FREAKISHLY TALL LIKE WE ARE!" Sort of way that's fucking adorable. They have tastefully incorporate giraffe images and a decoration here or there through the house that looks oh-so-lovely, and only after visiting them a couple times are you even able to realize they have a thing for the long necked beasts. So sly these tall folks are.

I'm jealous. I want an animal that represents my entire essence. I want to have an animal that adorably represents who Adam and I are as people, and our connection to each other. Where's my cute animal damn it?

I mean, what animal has issues with control, OCD, freakishly curly hair, a large honker, likes to read and has a big back end? Answer. There isn't one. Out of desperation I'd go with a dog as our animal, since we have one and all, but who doesn't have pictures of their dog? LAME. Lacking originality. We need something more clever, unique to us. Adam says our animal should be the platypus. When I asked him why, he said because no one would see it coming.

He might be onto something. 

I CAN'T STOP. IT FEELS TOO GOOD.

It's kinda embarrassing to admit, but the last half of yesterday I just wondered how Oly was coping with me being at work. Was she lonely? Did she destroy the kitchen? Did she think I hated her and left her to rot? Can she ever forgive me for needing employment? I mean, from the moment we brought her home it was just the two of us 40+ hours a week being buddies. Playing fetch, training, walking, and mostly cuddling. There just aren't enough hours in the day for puppy cuddling if you ask me. Especially with a dog as soft as Oly. Have you met a softer face?

No. The answer is most definitely no.  

I know that I might regret letting Oly up on our bed in the future when she's this beastly full grown dog, but for now I can't help but want to spoon her. I mean, I am working again, which means that our morning ritual of coffee, tv and cuddle time is over. So who can blame me for dragging her onto our bed for some one-on-one time? Comforters can be washed. Puppy cuddles are far too precious to miss.