The Accidental Olympian

LISTEN UP, I CANNOT SPELL.

I've been alerted that I can't spell.

THANKS.  I learned that when I was... oh in the 1st grade.

Some of us are math nerds. Some of us are spelling freaks. Some of us can balance a ball on our nose and get fish for treats.

I live with someone who won his first spelling bee in the 7th grade, and in the 2nd grade when he miss spelled ONE WORD on his spelling test he came home crying because he was convinced they were going to hold him back. ASK HIS MOTHER. I did.

OK. So I spelled 'simotamiously' wrong today. WHOOPS. I hope you were able to continue with your day while also 'simultaneously' accepting my spelling inabilities. Some of us have a gift, and some of us rely HEAVILY on our spell check function which even then leads us astray.

It's called being a child of the 90's...

THE PART WHERE I GET UP ON MY SOAP BOX

There’s something that’s been bothering me lately and I feel like I have to finally mention it here…

I’m disgusted by the fight/battle/pissing contest happening in our country right now over the proposed Health Care plan. I don’t care what side of the argument you’re on. Pro, con, whatever. But when I read/hear/watch/listen to people talk about how they want to see the health care plan fail, NO MATTER WHAT IT CONTAINS, simply because they wish to see our Democratic President fail at his first major policy attempt, I want to vomit.

Vomit all over my shoes, in my purse, in my meal.

How does anyone benefit from childish behavior such as this? Understand this isn’t ‘blind Obama love’ either. If McCain had won the election and I heard that Democrats, or anyone for that mater was banning together to shoot down McCain’s first piece of legislation, no matter what it was, or who it could help, simply because of his political party affiliation, I would still want to vomit. Everywhere.

How does anyone, Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Green, or Constitution Party (never heard of them before in my life, but Wiki says they exist!) benefit from childish behavior such as this? If you don’t agree with the plan, FINE. Then lets work together to fix it. Come together and build something that helps Americans, ALL Americans. Build something together that we can ALL be proud of. Something that will make other countries turn their heads and say, “Damn. Look at America! By golly they’ve done it again. I sure wish I was as smart, popular, pretty and fantastic as they are!” This sandbox bickering, this, “I’m not inviting you to my birthday party,” BULLSHIT is pathetic.

I, Ashley, a tax paying, college educated, decent American has not had reliable health insurance/dental insurance/vision insurance since I walked out the door of my parent’s home in September of 2003. I have had moments, mere glances of what it’s like to be covered by a health provider since that day, but only moments. In those fractions of seconds I have felt a feeling of calm and serenity, felt as if FINALLY I could relax and breathe. Then as soon as it has come, it has gone. Or even when I’ve been lucky enough to have insurance, it’s been nearly as bad if I’d had nothing at all.

After a horrifying medical emergency in 2004 landed me in the ER with an almost life threatening head injury I was hit with a 5,000 dollar medical bill. When I asked my insurance provider why I had a staggering bill since I HAD INSURANCE after all, they told me that because my ambulance chose to take me to the closest ER to save my life, instead of taking me to the ER my shit insurance provider covered, now I would need to pay up. Oh, and also bend over and take it with a smile on my face. 

Tell me how that’s acceptable? Tell me how that helps anyone? Tell me how that's right?

There I am, healing from a head injury, trying to put myself through college, and now I have a 5,000 dollar medical bill, all because the EMT chose to save my life instead of check with my provider first. I was UNCONSCIOUS. How in the HELL was I supposed to provide my ambulance driver with my insurance companies lengthy requests while simultaneously suffering from a brain hemorrhage? In the end, had I not been lucky enough to have been blessed with dedicated and amazing parents financially able to step in, I can’t even tell you where I’d be today. I could have NEVER paid that bill and also still gone to college. One would have had to go, and it would have been my education.

Does that even make sense? That I might have had to drop out of college just to pay off an ER visit that SHOULD have been covered in the first place? NO. No, it doesn’t make any sense at all.

As the most powerful, influential, and at times most highly admired country in the world, this sort of thing shouldn’t happen to our citizens. Ever. Yet this and worse, so much worse happens each moment thousands of times over.

We need to get our heads out of our asses and WORK TOGETHER. I don’t care what party you belong to, what God you believe in, or what you do at home when no ones looking. All I know is that the topic of health care has hit you. Either as a tap on the shoulder, or a slap in the face. You’ve dealt with it, thought about it, and probably agonized over it. Let’s make something together we can ALL be proud of and set the bullshit aside.

Remember, at the end of the day, these are American lives we’re talking about here people… Not Republicans, or Democrats, or Libertarians, or the Constitution Party, or the Green Party, or the Party of Party Animals. Just Americans.

Think about it. After you've thought long and hard, tell your Congress-person exactly how you feel.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY NEW BOYFRIEND, ALEX

This is Alex Conrad, I call him AC for short. He's my new boyfriend, isn't he handsome? I can't stop gazing at him. There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be than sitting right beside him. The way he sits there acting so sexy, being all, "Baby, come closer and let me cool you off with my powerful lungs." (sigh) I never knew what I was missing until AC came into my life. I thought Adam would be jealous, being usurped in his own home, but even Adam's mesmerized by AC's cool demeanor. We're just one big happy family over here now and I'm just tickled. 

And just in case you think I'm being dramatic, read this... You can't make this shit up people.

FROM MY HOMELAND TO YOU

You are probably going to vomit a little in your mouth at first when you read my drink suggestion. But listen, this is MY heritage we're talking about here. So by telling me this drink I love makes you want to vomit you are saying that I make you want to vomit. And that hurts my feelings. It's not my fault that I'm the product of Basque people. I don't ask them why they're Spanish nomadic terrorists. I just go with it. And let's be honest, you just don't piss off a group of people known for being renegades.

So here it is, the Basque's solution to a warm day where all you want is a big glass of wine but can't stomach the idea because of the heat. The Kalimotxo. Here's how we make this little piece of heaven;

-- Grab a glass, or tumbler if you're feeling fancy
-- Fill with ice
-- Traditionalists fill the glass half full with red wine, but I say go nuts and add 3/4 of a glass of red wine. In my opinion, cheaper the wine the better.
-- Lastly add 1/4 of coke and stir. I prefer Diet Coke, but that's only because I have an addition deep in my bones. 

TA DA! Gross sounding? Fine, none for you. Me, I think it's fabulous. I LOVE LOVE a big glass of wine, but on warm days like this week I can't STAND room temperature wine. The Kalimotxo is the perfect solution. The coke removes the tartness of a cheap wine, and the ice, well the ice makes it heaven in a glass on a hot day.

Still creeped out? Well stop. Just try it. Come on, just once. After you do, tell me what you think. And if you don't like it, well hey, then I'll just send my people to break your knee caps. At least I warned you first.

OLY I'M SORRY I JUST CAN'T

She's been looking at me like this for the past two days. It's like she knows how cute she is. She thinks if she just brings me a new toy, or tilts her head a little further to the right I might cave and play outside with her. She's hoping if she hits me over the head with the adorable stick I might forget that I'm almost homicidal from this 95+ degree weather. Maybe I'll throw caution to the wind and venture outside for a long walk or a game of catch if she tries just a little harder. But if she ever wants someone to fill up her bowl again I suggest she find other ways to entertain herself this week.

This heat already has me at my breaking point making me one irritable bitch. All it takes is a little boob sweat this week to completely set me off. I love you Oly, but I wont be much help in the owner department if after our little walk in hell I land my ass in jail for stabbing Adam for daring to touch me ONE MORE TIME with those disgusting clammy feet of his.