On December 6th, 2008, while driving south on our way to the Washington coast Adam turned to me and told me that he thought I should start a blog. Although it seemed I was alone in this fresh and terrifying unemployment hell, he spewed words of encouragement and proclaimed that there were thousands like me, people who might feel relieved to hear my story, and if nothing else I might find a single other person out there who understood what I was feeling. I told him I didn’t want to, it wasn’t for me. Really though, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to, it was just that I was scared.
Scared no one would like it.
Scared that no one but my mother would read it.
Scared that my pages would be filled with comments from others who despised my outlook on life, or who hated my writing.
Scared of rejection. Again.
I didn’t think I could handle any more rejection.
Now when I look back TEN MONTHS after losing my job I am so elated that someone believed in me when I couldn’t. Maybe it’s chicken shit of me for being unable to do it all on my own, but I needed those people in the beginning to push me forward. My mother and sister in my brand new living room telling me I had something to say, asking me to once again realize my self worth. A friend telling me that I was a talented writer and that if nothing else SHE would read my posts. Adam with his persistence that I could do something great. I needed these people back then. At that moment in my life I barely had enough self esteem left to decide what to wear out the front door. I was a shattered soul who needing much propping up.
I never knew how this whole blogging thing would turn out. All I knew was that I needed a voice again. I needed to be open, creative, vent, rejoice, laugh, and connect with others in the middle of a situation that seemed to be tearing down every model and expectation I had created for myself. I needed to be me again.
Today might seem to be simply another baby step, yet when I look at where I started it feels like a truly significant victory. This morning I unleash my new header, and my new ‘look’ to all you amazing people who take the time to read my musings.
Much thanks to Katie at motherbumper, my lovely and talented blog designer. The two of us are currently petitioning the Olympic committee to include ‘Biggest Smart Ass’ in the official games. I am still convinced I’ll kick her ass hands down, but if she’s willing to give it a shot I wont try to stop her or anything. All I can say is may the best woman win.
Seriously though, this whole blogging thing has been a fucking hoot. You have no idea how much happiness and sanity this little spot on the internet has brought me. Please continue to check in and see if I ever figure out this whole art of keeping my head above water thing. My bet is there will be much floundering still to come.