ARE YOU TIRED? BECAUSE I AM.

I am only just beginning to feel normal again after the worlds worst cold decided to come take host in my body for the Thanksgiving weekend. I don't think anyone ever likes being sick, but coming down with a colossal illness a day before you have three people arriving for Thanksgiving weekend just makes it all the more unbearable.

"HI! Thanks so much for driving 5-7 hours in traffic and pouring rain to spend Thanksgiving with Adam and I! Now shoo, get yourself in the kitchen and cook me Thanksgiving dinner!"

I honestly wasn't able to do a damn thing. As I lay on the couch, coughing, and wheezing, and contemplating if taking 8 Sudafed at the same time would help me, or kill me, Adam's parents stepped in and took over dinner. As thankful as I was for their assistance with the meal, to be honest they could have served me anything and I would have been pleased. I was so sick I can't even tell you what a single item on my plate tasted like. Even the deathly strong homemade horseradish sauce Adam SWORE up and down would clear my sinuses barely registered on my pallet.

Have you ever eaten pumpkin pie without the ability to taste it? WELL DON'T. Eating pumpkin pie without being able to taste it is like sitting down to eat a giant slice of baby food. It's amazing what an important role consistency and a sense of smell play in the whole eating game.

Now that the holiday weekend is officially over and all the guest have left I am amazed at the roller coaster of emotions I've been through in one weekend. For my entire life holidays have always existed at my parents home. To celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas the only option was to come home and allow them to orchestrate the holiday festivities. I hadn't realized until now how different a holiday looks and feels when it's being fully contained in MY home.

I'm realizing I struggle with EXPECTATIONS. For everyone else in my life, they only wish to share a holiday with me. I on the other hand am so filled with EXPECTATIONS that at times I find it nearly impossible to relax. Halfway through this weekend I actually had a full on breakdown. Holed up in my room I called my father sobbing and told him I couldn't take it, I couldn't have the family at my house this Christmas. It would kill me.

 

Yet, as I stood on my front lawn and looked up at the Christmas light masterpiece Adam and his father had created, I wanted nothing more than to have my entire family, and everyone I ever knew come to my house this Christmas. Part of me feels like the anxiety and stress I feel regarding hosting a holiday in my home just comes with the territory of being a newbie. With time I'm hoping I will learn what it means to be the family holiday host, and in a few years I'll look back at these early freak outs and laugh at my crippling neurosis.

Either that or I'll become a hermit.

I'm hoping for the sake of anyone close to me that I just sack up and learn to cope like a big girl.

Comments

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

testing comments (i was told they might be broken)

[Rachel]

Ugh, that's terrible. Sorry it was a rough weekend for you. One time I found eating hot chili flakes worked to clear my sinuses. Pretty gross though.

This weekend, I wasn't sick and I didn't do the cooking but today I was so exhausted after going back to work. Vacations really kill me, I think my body went back into unemployment mode and was in shock when I actually had to get up and go somewhere.

By the way it is so awesome you have an actual HOUSE. When we finally get out of here we will be lucky if we can afford an affordable one bedroom - tons of people I know live in studios (aka very expensive boxes).

Feel better!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

Rachel - I think no matter what getting up and going to work on Monday after a long weekend feels like torture for me. I think I actually muttered, Fuck off to my alarm this morning. :)

And I agree with you on the whole cool factor of living in a house. If you had told me a year ago that I would be living in Olympia with Adam and a dog in a HOUSE that I OWNED I probably would have kicke you in the shins. On my worst days, when it feels like I can do no right, I try to look at the house and all thats around me and be thankful. The most basic of tasks, like gardening or cleaning can remind me that I OWN this monster and slowly bring any struggle I feel back into focus.

If it makes you feel any better, wed never have been able to be home owners if we still lived in Seattle. One of the perks of small town living is most definitely the cheaper home prices.