I NEED HELP. I LACK ORIGINALITY.

So remember when I made this big deal about how I joined a roller derby team, but then I sort of never said much about it after that? Yeah me too. I'm betting a few of you even suspected I realized I hated roller derby after the second practice, but to avoid any public humiliation simply kept my mouth shut and instead rambled on about things like FROST.

Sorry to disappoint anyone who had money riding on me being a quitter. This little lady has been strapping wheels to my feet three days a week and learning things like the proper way to slam my body into moving human targets. FUN STUFF! Turns out I love roller derby. And even better, I don't totally suck super unbelievable ass at it. I only mildly suck. Go me!

I have realized a few things about myself over the course of the last month and a half at derby practice. One of them being that I will probably never ever ever ever again have skin on my right inside ankle bone. I am THIS close to buying stock in Johnson & Johnson because I am pretty sure I am single-handedly keeping them in business from all the band-aids, medical tape, and gauze I've been buying. At this point, all I'm trying to do is keep the gaping wound on my ankle from becoming infected with gangrene and then needing to amputate my entire foot. Because as kick ass as it would be to suddenly be this amazing one footed derby girl, I have a feeling I might lack coordination at high speeds. I'm just saying.

The other less disgusting thing I've learned about myself while at roller derby practice is that I am COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY UNORIGINAL. The time where I become an actual dues paying league member of the Oly Rollers is fast approaching. This means I am extremely close to needing a derby name. People keep asking me what my derby name is so they can register me as a full fledged bad ass derby girl, and I just sort of mumble something, stare off into space and start to drool hoping they'll be grossed out and leave me and my non-derby named self alone.

I think and think and think, and I just can't commit to anything people. I keep getting stuck on the idea that I will register this name, and for the rest of my derby career this name will be my identity. Talk about some pressure. 

So here's where I ask for your help. Because you're prettier than I am, and funnier, and smarter, and much more capable of seeing past this hurdle than I can. I am asking for derby names. Leave me a comment with whatever you got. It could be a play on my name, a play off someone famous (ex. Helen Killer), or completely and totally random.

Here's how we'll do this. Either come up with a new name and leave it in the comments (PLEASE SEND ME TONS!!!!!!) or let me know if you're loving one of the names already suggested to me below.

Penny Pincher *
Ash Bash *   (*suggested by Joy of The Cauliflower Lollipop)
Skate Scalper
Ashterburner
Olyminator
Ash-hole~
Ash'n'Burn~  (~suggested by Jen of Open Mouth, Insert Foot)
Ashley Thudd
Bashley, Crashly or Smashly
Penni Less

If I end up using the name you suggested then I am going to send you a bag of the fantabulous Oly Rollers, Roller Blend coffee. YEAH FOR GIVING AWAY MORE FREE STUFF! The tag line at the bottom of the bag says something about the coffee being a bed & breakfast blend made with Central American coffee, but I think it should say something like, "This blend will kick your ass, knock you out of bounds and then lap you twice. A coffee that will leave you crying for your momma."

So go! Comment away! And remember, you very well could suggest the name I will officially register as my derby name FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I mean when you think about it, this could be the start of a beautiful partnership between you and I.  

** UPDATE. You have until Friday December 18th to give me names. I'll mull over it this weekend and announce the winner on Sunday Dec 20th, and hopefully have your coffee in the mail by Monday the 21st. So HURRY!!!!!! **

Comments

[Jen A.]

Are you a blocker, a jammer or a pivot??!

[Jen A.]

Have you seen this web site? http://www.foxsearchlight.com/whipit/

I entered your name and it generated "Junkyard Funshine" as your Derby name!

Smashley Judd (or Olsen) -- if you want to play off a famous name.

Or you could go for something a little violent: Smashley Slaughter?

Elenore Brusevelt (but I think variations of this are all over the internet)

I wrote about going to a derby once, the Windy City Rollers. Maybe one of their names will be an inspiration? http://onewandering.wordpress.com/2008/06/18/a-different-kind-of-derby/

[Jen A.]

Smashton Kutya (or Kutyer, or Butcher)

[Jen A.]

Michelle O'BAM-A (o-BAM-a)

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN - So far I just am. Our first Fresh Meat bout is Feb 14th though, so we better get to learning!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN -- Hahahah! Oh that one is amazing! I think I might have the wrong skin tone to pull it off... Although I guess in derby anything goes!

[Jen_Ann_W]

Yeah, I still dig Ash&Burn the best. "Junkyard Funshine" would be awesome for a band!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN ANN W - Ash'nBurn is in my top ten so far! We also pick our own numbers, so 911 would be pretty much perfect. :)

Keep them coming everyone!

[Joy Jenkins]

Bashley is pretty good. So is Ashterburner.
What about Knecht a' saurus?
Or Ashley the Accident (not in pregnancy terms though).
You could always go with a greek god name, like Ashley the Ares of the Derby, or Enyo, or Shiva.
You've got a good list going! Good job!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JOY - I like KnechtASaurus, but it might be a little long for a jersey. It reminds me of the Taurus Saurus! Ive been trying to think of more having to do with my last name, but I worry announcers wont be able to pronounce it right at away games and the joke will be lost on all.

I love this derby name game!

[Jen A.]

Knecht-lash
(neck-lash...)

HAHAHA

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN - I like it! Keep um coming!

[Jen A.]

* Nuclear ConKnechtion

BAM! POW! I so want to see you drawn up as a roller derby comic strip with a name like that! hahah!

* Ashcelerator

* Brash Knuckles

* Cash for Ash

* Crashly Ashley

* Ash Whippin

* Ash Cake

* Dyna Mite

* Vanquasher (oh! oh! I like this one! I stuck ASH into the word Vanquisher, and got the word QUASH, which means to "extinguish summarily and completely". DAMN GIRL *grin*)

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN - You are my hero. It's official.

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN - I really like, Ashcelerator and Ash Whippin! Seriously you have a gift.

[Jen A.]

ASH -- I have a boredom, with work! :-D

Now YOU get the oh-so-hard task of picking a name that suits! Oh, I can't wait to see what you choose!

[Jen A.]

Cano Whoopash

And you can shout, "I'm gonna open a Cano Whoopash on you!" right before you knock 'em out!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN - your mind is a wild place where derby names come to roost!

[Rachel]

Ashley,

I'm not very good at nicknames and everyone has come up with good ones so my input here comes from my former life as a dancer: Newskin works wonders:
http://www.newskinproducts.com/liquid-bandage.htm

If you clean the scrape first, then put this stuff on, and then put bandages on, it works pretty well. It's worth a try!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

Rachel - at this point Ill try anything! Thanks for the tip!

[Naomi]

Hmm this is a tough decision...here is one idea. I will continue to think.

Smash Attack

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

Naomi- haha I like it! A play off Shaq Attack right?

[marti]

Ash-Wreck, Wreck-n-Roll, Audrey Ashburn, Kiss my Ash, Terminatress, Power Playa, Kick-ash, Smashley, Trashley, Trash Talker, My Ash, Grim Ripper, Bad Ash, Patty Potty Mouth,Peppermint Bad Ash, yeah you know what I'm talking about. Roll on girl, I know you'll pick a good one

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

Marti -- I love Bad Ash!! You have the greatest ideas Marti!

[marti]

Tootsie Roller, Rip-n-Roll, Roller Queen, Busta Move, Snake Charmer, Ash Crack, Rumble Roller, Ball Busta,Rebel Rouser, Rebel Roller, Book Worm ha ha, King Slayer(for Kingslover) I'm done for now, my brain is empty. Oh wait, two more Bootie Crawl, Roll-a-licious, this is addictive haha..Hey we could have a Catch Phrase game of just Roller Derby names!