ARE FOR PUSSIES.
OK. That's a lie, I don't even believe that, but it threw you off a bit didn't it?Score.
But seriously, do you make New Years Resolutions? I don't. Well, that's actually a lie too now that I think about it. There are TWO resolutions back from my high school days that I still remember making and then completing.
See, I used to pick my nose in public A LOT. I am pretty sure that the larger your nose is, the more likely you are to collect stalagmite sized boogers in your nose cave. Seeing as my nose is freakishly large (Thanks Mom!), it has just always been my talent to collect, and then remove the massive boogers that live in my nose. Because of this unfortunate curse I used to pick with abandon. Sort of like a, "You'd do it too if you had this nose," sort of middle finger to the world.
Then I started high school. And suddenly I realized something had to change. If they didn't I was pretty sure I was going to get beat up or tossed in a locker, or something equally cliché. I had been openly picking my nose for quite a long time, enough time to have most all of the people in my life comment on it once, or twice, or lets be honest, probably like 700 times. So to scale back the public humiliation I made a resolution to cut that shit out. At least in public that is.
And I totally did it!
That year I cut back my public nose picking at LEAST 75%.
You don't seem very impressed.
Another memorable resolution would be my sophomore year resolution to lose my virginity.Yep. Sorry Dad. And Mom. And all relatives and close family friends who read this. HI EVERYONE! LOVE YOU! Feel free to skip this post and come back tomorrow!
But it's true. That year I joked with friends that my resolution was to lose my virginity. It was seriously lame and I was sick of toting it around with me all the time. It didn't fit in my purse any longer and always clashed with my outfit. And hot damn if four months later I didn’t just go ahead and check off that New Years Resolution! Not nearly as spectacular as I'd hoped though I should add. What with it being in a garage, on a couch, and lasting like 2 minutes and all. Oh well.
Be careful what you wish for kids!
And when I do make them they never come true.
Unless of course I make a resolution involving nose picking or my virginity.
And I obviously already have those two topics TOTALLY under control.