A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

You know that Staples commercial with the weird red 'Easy' button? Come on, you must know what I'm talking about. They're the commercials where people are having issues with their office supplies or something equally lame, and then suddenly someone hits the 'Easy' button and elves and unicorns pop out from under their desk to repair their oh-so-important business card troubles in seconds. 

That is pretty much what I hoped therapy was going to be like. A big fat red 'Easy' button. I tell you my issues, you hit the 'Easy' button, and TA-DA, all better! 

Nope.

Turns out it's more like one long drawn out game of Lets Identify Your Issues, & Then Make YOU Work On Them.

I would like a refund. Or at least an 'Easy' button.



I mean, ok, we've identified that I have anxiety, hell, even I knew that. But what you're telling me is that it's not the sort of anxiety where it's ok for me to just take an 'Easy' button pill each day? Great. So, mine is more like the kind where I have to WORK ON IT? Really? You sure there are no 'Easy' buttons involved? Oh, fun.

Also, I'm pretty sure I have serious issues with perfectionism. The sort of perfectionism that causes me to have nearly crippling social anxiety because I'm the kind of person who goes home and relives EVERY SINGLE WORD I SAID after an evening, and then berates myself if I think I might have said a single awkward sentence. That's not normal right? Ok. Glad we got that one out of the way. Now what? Can we hit the 'Easy' button yet? No? PLEASE!

Oh. Apparently we're going to work on that one too.

Sweet.

Oh wow, that's an amazing point you just made. The more I think about it, you are SO right. I really do have deep rooted issues pertaining to GUILT and REGRET. Wow, now that I look at it, realizing that nearly all my actions are somehow tied into feeling guilty, or trying not to feel guilty sort of makes me want to reach into my brain right now and give it a titty twister for being so lame.

Honestly, I'm glad you pointed that one out. I mean, you're dead on. Who wants to live their entire life under a shadow of guilt? Not this woman. Score one for you therapist lady! I assume this big messy part is where I finally get to cash in the 'Easy' button right? I mean HELLO, look at me diving into my issues! And I didn't even use the 'Easy' button on those other issues so high five!

Oh really, wrong again? Fuck. This isn't that much fun anymore. So what you're really saying after all this is these are all just opportunities to WORK ON IT. Awesome. I am pretty sure I am starting to sense a pattern here.

Really though, that was great fun.

See you next week!

(sigh)

I guess at the end of the day I'd like to think of this overarching anti 'Easy' button realization sort of like a public service announcement for all the other slightly unbalanced and lazy folks out there. Count this as your one and only 'Easy' button moment pertaining to wonderful world of therapy. Because lets face it, the minute you sit down in that terribly comfy couch and open your mouth, no matter how much you want to press the 'Easy' button over and over and over, all you've actually done is enter the world of 'working on it zone'.

And as it turns out, there's no turning back.   

Comments

[Jen A.]

Anxiety? Guilt? Regret?

Hello, Mirror.

I signed up to see a counselor a few months ago through a free program at work. They only gave me 4 sessions, and I left feeling like she gave me the feedback I'd need to "work on it," but was so bummed to discover that she's not within my insurance's coverage. Which means I need to start all over, with a new counselor. And re-hash everything I've just told to the first lady.

Easy button? Not in 2009!

[Jen_Ann_W]

I was kind of the same way - I have to TALK? And THINK? And DO STUFF? Shit. I did learn some good things - I'm horribly self-critical, I'm completely out of touch with my emotions... and I'm way too stubborn and prideful for therapy. :-)

[Joy Jenkins]

I stopped going to therapy after my "professional" decided it was wildly appropriate to write her TO DO list during my session. Mind you on the list there was some Petco items for her dog which she forced me to hold occasionally, ice cream, toilet paper and a car detailing for her $50,000 Mercedes.

I left thinking, "I guess my hour session was far less important for you to focus on, besides you had some ass wiping tissue and dog toys to buy. My to do list will now include, after our chat and my glance at your "notes", to buy a gun to shoot myself, No Biggie. Great Session!"

BTW, who doesn't have anxiety or a deep rooted issue with guilt? It's like therapists are paid to tell us what we know already, we just don't want to admit or talk about this shit with anyone. We are forced into thinking we need an office, with good lighting, and comfy chairs to make us feel okay, and guilt free. This is hardly what I call necessary or for that matter therapeutic.

I'm going to try acupuncture, maybe that way I can feel REALLY uncomfortable so I know what its like to feel normal.

I hate psychiatrists/ psychotherapists' or anything like them. Suck it fake doctors.

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN - Ugg the idea of going through all the work of getting a therapist caught up on your issues and life story, and then having to do it ALL OVER AGAIN sort of makes my head hurt. I was worried my insurance was going to pull the same thing. I will think of this as my karmic Christmas bonus. :)

So I guess that was sort of a baby 'Easy' button. Right?

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JEN ANN W -- Although the hope that therapy could magically fix me has passed, I am amazed at the realizations, and the world it has already opened up for me to begin to work on. Yes, I did just sound ok with WORKING ON IT, you aren't hearing things.

(sigh)

Although less than enjoyable at times to try to reprogram myself, I have this feeling that in the long run I might be able to really make significant changes to the way I respond to stress, guilt, and judgement.

At least, I hope so. :)

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JOY - I can't believe your therapist made a TO-Do list in your session! Sounds like you just got a dud.

I don't think negatively about therapy in general. I hope my post didn't come off that way. More than anything I think I finally just realized that going to therapy and sitting in that chair wasn't going to be the hardest part of my sessions, that would be the easiest! Turns out the hard work starts when you go home and need to apply the tools given to you. DAMN IT!

I actually really like therapy, even after only a few sessions. Although everyone has anxiety to some degree, I doubt many people canceled their family Christmas with 20 days until the holiday because the anxiety of having their family under their roof was literally making them have stomach aches and nightmares. Eek. Although a little
anxiety keeps us on our toes, it shouldn't keep us from sleeping, or socializing, or being able to be alone in their own house at night. Sadly, anxiety has controlled me in all those areas in the past couple years.

I do agree that in essence all my therapist is telling me is something I could very well tell myself, but for me there is a difference between trying to reprogram myself without help, and having an outsider guide me and teach me. People have told me forever that guilt is a wasted emotion, but its taking someone else giving me the tools necessary to help me think about situations that make me feel guilty,
and then approach them in a different way to really feel a difference. Its been a tough year for me, and right now I feel like I need someone to help me, because I've been trying it on my own for a long time now, and although I've yet to go off the deep end, there are things that happen in my life I know shouldn't be this difficult either. You know?

I never thought this would be true, but even in our few sessions Ive begun to look at my reactions much differently. With some WORK (damn you work!) I am hopeful that some day I might actually be able to have
my entire family at my house for Christmas without feeling as if I am going to crawl out of my skin.

Here's to hoping anyway! :)

[Joy Jenkins]

If it works for you that makes me happy!
I pretty much gave up. Which would make sense considering I use the one time approach to most things....
I give you MEGA props for putting in the work. Me, I'd rather hate on those who couldn't help me. Maybe I need something like roller derby to let out some of my pent up anger?!
High-yaaa!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

JOY - We all eventually find what works. I mean hell I could NEVER make it through 2+ hours of burning hot yoga and look at you kicking ass! BUT, that being said, if a person was looking for a way to exercise, meet new people, be apart of a team, adapt an alter ego, AND get out aggression then roller derby is the sport for you!

[Rachel]

Ugh, Ashley. Stop being me. It's so weird.

I have crippling anxiety, especially social anxiety and I do the exact same thing, which is part of the reason I don't love going out all the time. It blows.

I tried therapy when I was a senior in high school, and I found myself lying about the bad stuff and telling her all the good stuff so I could avoid sobbing on the couch. Total waste of time.

I hope you have better luck, though!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

Rachel - No. YOU stop being me.

I feel like my social anxiety has always been there, but over the years it's getting worse and worse. A few weeks ago I went to this roller derby social and I swear to you I felt like I was going to vomit from about 2pm until I walked in the door at 9:30. At one point I actually lay down on the floor and told Adam I couldn't go because there was a chance I was dying.

It's like the older I am getting, the less defense mechanisms I have to deal with meeting new people. OH, and you should have seen me on my way to the first roller derby practice. TALK ABOUT SOME SOCIAL ANXIETY.

Hell, I still get butterflies before practice and I've been doing this for almost TWO months.

(sigh)

At least I know there are other social lepers out there I can cling too. :)

[Lauren P]

Being a mental health professional is tricky bussiness. And of course there are going to be some therapists who are great at their job, and others that aren't, just like any profession. And due to the personal nature of therapy, there will always be issues about whether or not it is a good fit based on personality and style.

Fixing mental health problems is a lot different than other more more organic or stricly physiological problems. More times than not there is not medication that will magically fix everything, and even when there is medication it will only relieve some of the tension, and more often than not you are treating the symptoms without really getting to the root of the problem. So in that sense medication is pretty much never a blanket cure. Plus, mental health issues usually have roots way back in the beggining of life and are very complex and take a long time to sort though, because let's face it, if they were simple you could fix it yourself. Usually the person has no clue what is causing their symptoms, and when you first come in the therapist knows nothing about you, so to start off you just sort of have to establish a base and have them get to know you. Every person is different, so every person's problems, even when manifesting similarly will have to be treated differently. Hang in there, though, cause the first few sessions can feel a little pointless, especially if you were hoping there would be a quick fix. It is amazing when you finally get deep enough to start to figure out why things are the way they are, and then each session will provide you with new insight and clarity. Plus, who doesn't love having an hour devoted to being able to talk solely about their own problems when the other person is required to pay attention!

[Ashley, The Accidental Olympian]

LAUREN – I’m still trying to figure out if my therapist is
the right fit. I guess I should give her more than a handful of meetings to decide though right? I mean, her specialty is Families, Marriage and Children…none of which I fall into, YET she has a handle on anxiety as another
specialty, and I feel really comfortable with her. I’m unsure when or if you’re supposed to jump ship…

 
My therapist touched on what you mentioned about medication. She told me that she feels that medication is best as a way to tone down something that is far too heavy to deal with simply with talk therapy, and then once you’ve gotten to a better level with the meds, you still obviously need to continue with heavy talk therapy hoping to replace talk therapy with medication down the road. I was mostly joking about wishing for meds as the ‘Easy’ button. Although lets be honest, if there was a magical fix it pill, I would SO BE THERE.

I think my main frustrations, or I don’t even know if I would call them frustrations really, come from the fact that I started therapy in the middle of turmoil (hello all those sobbing phone calls you got!), and I sat down in that chair and wanted DESPERATELY for her to tell me how to feel better about everything and make everyone less upset with me. Obviously this is impossible. First the poor woman needed to figure out what the hell my family dynamic was before she could even BEGIN to help me. I don’t think the woman even still fully understands what the hell is going on because each time I sit down I hit her with like 700 new stories or insight into my family dynamic. And as we all know about families, there are a LOT of layers to dig through.

 
The main thing that got me in that chair was all the crap surrounding Christmas, and wow, it’s almost here. SHIT. Hoping she would give me the tools in a few sessions to erase all the confusion, years of issues swirling around in a few weeks was silly. But damn it if I didn’t still hope. :)

 
On the other hand though, even in these few sessions I feel like I am starting to see a little clearer. I also feel like if it hadn’t been for these sessions I would be carrying around a SHIT ton more baggage and confusion about this whole mess than I actually am. Things are still pretty messy, but I feel like I have the smallest grasp on how to move forward.

OH, and you’re so right. An hour where I get to talk, and talk, and talk is frankly quite lovely. I actually look forward to it. Most days I leave being like, “Fuck. I left out like 700 other things I wanted to talk about!”  

 
Now if I could just get her to brew better coffee I’d be set…