APPARENTLY, WHOOPI GOLDBERG IS MY SISTER

So, I'm like WAY behind the ball on this, but remember a while back when everyone was going to My Heritage, submitting their picture, and then figuring out who their celebrity doppelganger was? Facebook was filled with people being all, "OMG I look just like Jessica Simpson! Who knew?"

And then I would throw up in my purse.

For some reason I missed this when it was all the rage, and while watching tv with Adam this weekend I thought I would finally see who this site would link me up to. Lets be honest, I was looking for an ego boost.

I go to the site, upload my picture and I get this,

THERE IS A 70% CHANCE I MOST CLOSELY RESEMBLE AN OLDER, OSCAR WINNING, AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN.

And, if that wasn't bad enough, there is a 62% chance I most closely resemble the infamous male serial killer known as Charles Manson.

WTF. 

Ok, so this couldn't be right. Something had to have gone wrong because I am more than 70% sure that not only am I not, nor will I ever be confused with any African American individual, famous or not (note my vampire white skin), I am also pretty damn sure I don't resemble a male serial killer. Ever.

Feeling a little weirded out I search for a more 'normal' looking picture of myself thinking the weird expression from the last one had to be the reason my white ass was suddenly linked to Whoopi Goldberg. If you put two and two together, face contortions must equals bad matching results.

With my much more 'normal' image I hit submit and hoped at least for someone even mildly resembling me. Like I don't know, maybe someone WHITE and FEMALE. 

The results arrive and here's what we're working with in round two,

Turns out there is a 72% chance I could be BILLY MOTHER FUCKING IDOL.

Really?

I have to be picking shitty pictures right? Please tell me there is no way that my face most closely resembles out of ALL the celebrities in the world an older African American woman OR a white 80's male rocker.

Determined not to be beat and humiliated by some stupid website I find one more image and upload it to the magical face pairing software. You know what I got as a match this time after uploading this equally normal looking picture?

 

Not an older African American woman, or a skinny white male, no. This time the contraption tells me that it has NO matches for me.

NONE.

Nothing.

Apparently now I resemble absolutely zero famous people. 

I officially give up. 

Please go on the site right now and tell me that the software also paired you with people not even of the same race or the same gender as yourself. And if they do actually match you with wonderful amazing hot people you're super stoked to be linked to, shut up and keep it to yourself.

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

Comments

[Dear Mason]

I entered Mason's pic. Top pic: Martin Luther King JR. Runner up? Leonardo Di Caprio. Yeah. The third was Kylie Minogue. I think you might win though. Haha

[Junket]

That is hysterical. I'm doing it. I hope I get Bruce Springsteen.

[Ashley, the Accidental Olympian]

DEAR MASON -- I think that might actually beat out WHOOPI! Way to go Mason.

JUNKET -- I hope you get Bruce too. Please tell me the results.

[Kelly @ The Startup Wife]

Anytime one of my Asian friends did that site the result would be: Zhang Ziyi. Or, for men, John Cho. Um, not all Asians look the same.

Hahah, maybe someone complained and they're trying to prove they're colorblind, hence Whoopi? No excuse for Charles Manson, though. Why is he even on that site?

[Jen A.]

Ohh, Sela Ward is a good match for you! :)

Let's see who I am!

[Kate]

Hi Ashley! It's Obi Kate (fellow Doocebag)! Love your blog you are hilarious, and I came out of lurking to tell you that I got Willie Nelson. Yeah this guy: http://www.listzblog.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/WillieNelsonOneHellofRide.jpg

Thanks for the self esteem boost My Heritage!

So don't feel so bad about Billie Idol.

[Kellylea.blogspot.com]

I got bored of uploading my face so I started doing my friends.

One of mine got Barry Manilow.

I didn't tell her.

[Ashley]

Hhahahaahahahaahaha......thank you. I needed that.

[Sarah]

You just made my day. I was wondering how I was going to make it through the day, when I read this post.

Thanks.

[Penelope]

You're so pretty!! HILARIOUS post. I agree on the Sela Ward match. Apparently I'm an Olsen twin.