AMERICA. FUCK YEAH.
THE TIME I WAS ATTACKED BECAUSE OF MY SERIOUS LACK OF A TAN

ROAD RASH

Anyone who has ever learned to drive knows what it is like to be behind the wheel and reach that place in the beginning where you've adapted a false sense of newbie cocky beginner driver ease. You don't actually know much of anything about anything, but hot damn you sure feel like you do.

But then some old lady steps into the crosswalk when you thought she was staying put, or the person who was turning right suddenly decides not to turn right and all of a sudden you have to stop, NOW.

And since you're a little green with this whole driving thing, you panic and just slam on the break with all the force and gusto you can muster.

To the point where instead of stopping you STOP!!!!!!! Thereby giving everyone in the car serious whiplash.

But you make a mental note that stopping before mowing down old ladies is important, but there is still a way to come to a stop without breaking everyone's neck. Crisis averted, and lesson learned.

There are similar things that happen when you're learning to drive a motorcycle. There are a lot of little mistakes you make when you're starting out, such as when you stall out before you've even moved a millimeter because you forget the clutch is on your HAND. You'll inevitably also have a moment where you are standing still and completely lose your balance and dump your bike on the ground. Because that bitch is HEAVY. And even better, you are guaranteed to have an OH SHIT I NEED TO BREAK NOW moment on your bike same as that time back when you were learning to drive a car.

The difference is that instead of giving yourself a case of 'make a mental note to come to a gradual stop next time to avoid whiplash' moment, you'll give yourself road rash.

It might look a little like this.

Note the dirt in my nose. And the nice wound on my knee.


Moto Crash

Turns out I need to save up for a helmet, gloves, and those awesome indestructible motorcycle pants I clearly was not wearing.

I guess we'll call this a learning experience?






Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

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