The Accidental Olympian

MY GIRL, SHE'S NOT FEELING SO HOT

THAT ONE TIME I SPENT 6 HOURS AT THE PET ER ON A TUESDAY

We thought it was another of Oly's 'dog coughs'. She's had one before, and it's a whole lot more retching sounding than coughing in my book, but the last time we got some pills, they made Oly seem like she was high, Adam and I laughed at her when she stood looking at the wall for 15 minutes swaying softly, and that was that.

Suddenly it was back, but I knew the drill. Vet, pills, bill.

Except, it didn't go away.

In fact, there was a lot of vomit instead. Sorry. How's your breakfast sitting this morning?

Suddenly we were back in the vet, and this time Oly was going to go under to see if there was something lodged in her throat.

I love Oly, and I want her to be healthy, so even though I was wringing my hands at the possibility of a 300 dollar bill for sedation and films, I said, "Fix her," and they went to work.

Except there was no stick, or toy, or jerky stuck in her throat. Instead there was what appeared to be a piece of cloth in her stomach obstructing her intestines, thereby causing all the retching. And cleaning of the retching.

Then the vet hit me with my 'options.' Keep her at our vet overnight, and perform abdominal surgery the following morning to remove the cloth toy. Two more days after that to recover, and a bill somewhere in the region of 900-1700 dollars.

Cue me falling over dead.

OR we could take her to a specialist 30 minutes away and they could try to pull the toy out of her stomach via her throat endoscopically.

BUT, if the obstruction was hard and unable to come out with the scope, they would need to perform the surgery as well, leaving our total bill somewhere in the ballpark of THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Three, comma, zero, zero, zero.

3,000 dollars.

Cue me falling over dead, rotting, coming back to life, going back in time, and stealing all of Oly's toys from her and burning them in a bonfire.

 

 

People, I sobbed. There is something so very cruel about veterinary care when you don't have pet insurance. You essentially weigh the importance of your pet against the money in your bank. I had to sit down and take a long hard look at my financial situation and realize that if the worst thing happened I could very well max out my credit card, empty my emergency savings account and still be standing there unable to pay her full bill. That moment of really evaluating my financial situation stopped my heart. Of course I was going to do everything in my power to help this dog, fix this dog, but holy WOW if the idea of that final bill didn't leave me dry heaving on the floor of my office as I contemplated my next move.

Luckily for Adam and I our vet suggested we take the risk, avoid the surgery and head to the specialist. Where we spent the next 6 hours waiting to see what in the world was causing all this financial and physical anguish.

In the end, after a grand total of around 1,300 dollars (kill me now) we found out that the item causing Oly all this pain was none other than around 5 casings from a summer sausage.

Can you imagine our faces when the doctor walked into the waiting room with a paper towel, opened it and revealed none other than SAUSAGE CASINGS?

I wanted to be like, "Hah! Funny! Where's the towel? Or chew toy? Or pair of underwear for crying out loud? Show me something BIG, and EVIL, and STOMACH CLOGGING!"

Nope.

1,300 dollar summer sausage.

SAUSAGE CASINGS YOU GUYS!

I wanted so badly to sit down with Oly and have a little conversation along the lines of, "Oly, remember at the beach house when you and Macy were fighting over the trash can? Growling over who would go for those casings we'd mistakenly thrown away right in front of you, and you lunged and ate them all in one big heroic swoop? REMEMBER THAT? Because you should have let Macy eat them. Seriously."

Sadly, dogs don't have the same comprehension we do.

Very, very, very sadly.

 

 

All in all, this has been a most traumatizing, and eye opening experience. Oly is still not 100%. Her throat is a mess from having tubes down it for two hours, she was put under twice on two separate occasions and is still shaky on her feet, she can't eat anything for another 12 hours, she's on a strict diet, meds, the whole works. And, we're still not 100% sure that the whole cause of all her misery was the stupid sausage casings. If she doesn't resume normal non vomiting protocol in the next week, back to the vet we go!

What I've learned more than anything throughout this whole experience is that the decision we made a year ago, where we sat down and decided we were paying in more to pet insurance than we were getting out, therefore convincing us to start a savings account for Oly and cancel pet insurance, was the WORST IDEA WE EVER HAD IN OUR WHOLE LIVES.

2011 will hereby be known as the year of renewed pet insurance (Hi TruPanion, where have you been all my life?) for our little adventurous eater, and the year where I try really really really hard to get myself out of this mountain of debt.

Be warned dog owners.

Sausage, is surprisingly expensive.

 

WE'RE BACK

Ugg, returning from a vacation and going straight back to work is seriously lame.

All vacations should come with a readjustment period of additional time off at home before returning to work.

OR all companies should give employees the last two weeks of December off paid. No questions asked.

I like it.

Here's to hoping it catches on.

 

 

 

So, our mini vacation to Long Beach with Adam's family has come and gone, but it was everything I wanted and more.

We ate.

We slept.

We ate some more.

Adam's parents walked Oly and the troop of dogs to the beach every morning in the rain, and I got to sit by the window watching them.

Oly ran, and ran, and ran some more.

I read.

Adam read.

Adam's mom read.

Adam's dad read.

We were like a fricken commercial for the power of literature I'm telling you. It was all sorts of nerdy up in our vacation rental.

We exchanged gifts lovingly selected for one another and oooohed and ahhhhhed when we watched others open items they'd been hoping for.

And most of all, we laughed at the GOD AWFUL DECORATIONS.

Fucking weird right?

The most hilarious part about that wall was that Oly thought each and every plastic fish on that net was a chew toy lovingly displayed for her. She spent the first half hour we were there sitting on the couch just looking at the wall. I tried to get a shot of it, because it was just too damn funny, but each time I'd go for it, she'd move. It's like she knew we were making fun of her.

There were other awesomely outdated features in the house, like the 70's green couch which only Oly loved,

and even better than the netting, and the green 70's couch, the 80's hotel lamps, or the 70's orange recliner had to be the 100% POLYESTER SHEETS ON MY BED.

My skin is still crawling from sleeping on 100% polyester sheets for three whole miserable nights.

The listing for the rental said, "linens included," not, "the most fucked up creepy, silky, slippery, messed up sheets you've ever had to hold against your body for three whole nights in a row included."

 

But you know what made up for the weird layout, the sulfur smelling water, the rough towels, the shitty beds, the ugly decorations, and the world most terrifying dishwasher?

This.

And this.

And most importantly, this.

Beach house, you were weird. Very very very weird. And I hated your sheets with a passion I didn't know was in me. But you let us be together, cook wonderful meals together, stay in from the rain together, you let the dogs run free, you allowed us to walk to the beach, and even catch some glimpses of the waves, so I guess I still like you.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

And that no matter where you were you didn't have to sleep on 100% polyester sheets.

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU CRAZY KIDS!

Yes, I made a Christmas card this year. And yes, it included Adam and I, and our dog, together wishing the world a Merry Christmas, and we AREN'T EVEN MARRIED!

OH THE HORROR.

And yes, I think he was super weirded out when they arrived at first.

And when I asked him who he wanted to send them to he only picked his parents.

But then, then when we got cards from some of his other family members suddenly he realized our card was darn cute, and as I was filling out all the ones I was sending out he piped in about wanting to maybe send one to so-and-so and I had to remind him he didn't want to send cards to anyone originally so HA I was sending them out to all my peeps instead and before I knew it there he was wishing he'd not been so quick to hate on my cards and instead sent them to more of his family.

CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

No, you're right. This isn't a competition.

But I was still right.

 

Merry Christmas you guys.

I love you. Each and every one of you who takes the time to read my website, comment, send an email, befriend me on Facebook (Oh! You should do that if you haven't already!), or just plain lurk around in the shadows.

You make this worth while and make this big o'l world feel just a tad smaller.

And awesomer.

Yes I just made up a word.

Tiss the season!

AND WE'RE OFF!

Hey, remember when I wrote that rant about trying to find a dog friendly vacation rental for Christmas?

You don't?

 

Why don't I refresh your memory.

 

Ah, the joys of completely misplaced anger.

 

So, turns out that rant was severely immature seeing as later the next day I managed to lock down this lovely beach house.

It's located in Long Beach, WA, a coastal town about an hour and a half from Olympia. We camped there last Memorial Weekend and spent the majority of the time trying to stay dry.

 

So, this time we decided to go the whole indoors route seeing as the forecast for Christmas weekend in Long Beach is rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, with some more rain.

 

This time though I'm 100% ok with the forecast. I've been told we have a wall of windows of the living room where we can relax, watch the storm rage and marvel at the power of an angry winter sea.

 

 

 

Whatever you celebrate this season, I wish you happiness, a complete and utter absence of stress, tons of fantastic food, that you'll be surrounded by people you love, and that your liquor cabinet never runs dry.

 

Although, maybe that last one is only my Christmas wish...