As most anyone on the internet already knows, a few weeks ago Heather Armstrong (Dooce) announced that her marriage of ten plus years to her husband John (Blurb) was dissolving. I'm sure most people read these words and felt sadness for the pain Heather and her family were wading through, and most then promptly moved on.
Strangely the dissolving of the Dooce-Blurb marriage has stayed with me.
There is no perfect marriage, this I know. But I do think there are marriages that are better than others. Marriages that are open, honest, where two people work through the crap that makes us human to continue to grow in their relationship.
I always viewed Dooce and Blurb as having one of those marriages.
They were open about the fact that they had to work hard on their marriage at times. They admitted it took patience, support and a lot of effort to make it through the difficult spots. And even when it sucked they kept on working. They were committed no matter what.
I admired the ability they seemed to posses to not give up on one another.
As a product of an intact marriage (26+ years) divorce scares me. Terrifies me really.
I've never experienced the pain of hearing my parents tell me they're separating. I've never had to split my holidays. I've never had to deal with the questions of, "What went wrong?" I've never had to meet one of my parent's new partners.
For this I'm grateful.
But I live in this world. I see how many marriages fail. And I don't know what makes one survive, and another crumble.
I always assumed the key to keeping the marriage together was to be a Dooce and Blurb. To fight to stay together through good and bad, always remembering the reason you came together in the first place.
And yet, now another example of how to do things right is no longer.
I find this frightens me.
Adam and I both come from intact marriages. We've never felt the sting of divorce, we only know how to continue on.
But does that mean we're strong enough to never give up?
Will we be as lucky?
Or will we fail as well?
And yet, the exact minute the idea of marriage seems to be so broken, so unattainable, another blogger shares a story of their own marriage and I think, "People still make this work. It's not all broken. My journey will be my own."