I wish I still had the original email to link so you could see the weirdness that lived inside my inbox, but alas, a screenshot is all that remains... Click to see this strange item larger
Right now our inboxes are filling with holiday gift guide roundups and I have to maybe sort of hand it to Amazon for really taking the term, "person who has everything" so literal that they created the world's weirdest roundup of gifts. Maybe, ever.
The images you see above aren't the items they are suggesting you buy. No no no my friend. That's only just the beginning! Once you clicked on an icon you could see a scrolling list of various "plush microbes" for you to choose from. Yes! An actual variety of these weird things I still don't really know what they are, to pick out and actually buy for some poor family member!
Because not only do you want to gift someone a "plush microbe" this year, you also want to make sure it's the exact kind of "plush microbe" they want. Apparently there is a wide variety of "plush microbes" to select from! Pick wisely my friend.
Or what about "pan flutes"? I mean, does anyone really need one of those, let alone need to get one as a gift? I know we're saying these are gifts for the person with EVERYTHING and all, but come on. If they wanted a pan flute, they already went out and got one. I don't need to weed through your roundup of different sized, colored, and shaped pan flutes to pick the best one as a gift.
And lastly I draw your attention to, "pickles."
For the person who has everything I should get them PICKLES?????
Does that even make sense?
Can you imagine opening pickles for Christmas?
I just, my mind exploded.
So congrats Amazon. If you were trying to make the world's most obscure and insane gift roundup to ensure that not a single item on the list actually gets gifted to anyone, then you did it.
Also, seeing as Amazon is a Seattle based company, a state where marijuana just became legal, the staffer who made this email HAD to be stoned. Right? RIGHT? Let's all just take a second and think about how hard he started laughing to himself when he came up with the idea of a pickle section of this roundup. I'm pretty sure he peed his pants a little on that one. I know I did.