Something a friend said the other day has stuck with me. The other day she said, "I realize that I thrive in chaos. It's the monotony of life that I struggle the most with."
As I sit here on a Saturday morning, drinking coffee and reading, content with a weekend stretching before me with a to-do list containing things like, drop off items at Goodwill, vacuum, take dogs to the dog park, I realize that I am 150% opposite my friend in every way possible.
I thrive in the absolute drudge of nothingness. In a weekend without plans, or goals, or disturbances. I live for a work week that is so mundane in its existence that the days bleed together. Where the highlight of my week is marked by finishing my book in the quite hours before bed. Happily placing it on the shelf and sticking my bookmark in the pages of the next book.
It's not that I don't wish for excitement. I do. I look at others vacationing and jetting, joining and doing and I feel that sense of longing. Wishing I too had the resources to buzz from item to item, event to event, trip to trip. But it isn't our today, and it wont be our tomorrow, and where that once ate at me I now feel peace. Have I learned to sink into what we have? In the simple moments? Or am I simply better at coping than I was at 24?
It could simply be my natural inclination towards winter hibernation. My bodies ability to sink inward and wait for spring that helps pass the days. All I really know is I feel content. To sit with my coffee and my book well into the afternoon with a to-do list four items long, and no rush to check them off.
I have wants, but very little needs, besides time to sit with my book and my thoughts, waiting for spring.