[I found trying to get pregnant felt even more isolating and frustrating than the secrecy and fear that came with the first trimester of pregnancy. There is so little out there on trying to get pregnant. There are apps, and some forums, but there’s very little writing online from real people on how long or how hard it was for them to get pregnant. As much as the first trimester feels like a time of secrecy, trying for baby felt at times, even worse. Here are some of my thoughts and feelings during our journey in a series I’m calling, Trying for Baby.]
Is wondering if you’re broken.
Is not knowing what your future will look like.
Is wanting to get excited about something that could take a long time to happen.
Is feeling like you’re doing something wrong.
Is the way you feel after falling down a rabbit hole of this will never happen on the darkest parts of the message boards.
Is not feeling like you can talk to others about this HUGE thing in your life.
Is another month gone by.
Is the feeling that you are failing somehow because it isn’t happening quickly.
Is the jealousy you feel for other people who’ve figured it out.
Is the inability to ask every mother you come into contact with how long it took them.
Is people’s sympathy.
Is people’s shitty advice.
Is the waiting. And wondering. And waiting some more.
But mostly, it’s the waiting.
The waiting is the worst.