[This post was written over the course of my first trimester. The time when some friend and family know about your exciting news, but otherwise you walk through the world carrying this secret that feels like it will swallow you whole. As the time stretched on I found all the first trimester really was about was just waiting. Here’s my first trimester anthem.]
If I was to give my first trimester a name it would be, “Waiting.”
I feel like that’s all I do.
Wait for your period to end so you can begin trying.
Wait for the ovulation sticks to give you the thumbs up so you can put your efforts to work at maximum efficiency.
Wait to get far enough away from your ovulation date to begin taking pregnancy tests.
Wait five minutes for a pregnancy test to tell you your life has changed, or if you’ll give it another try next month.
Wait for your husband to wake up already so you can tell him it finally worked.
Wait to tell your friends till they’re actually awake (damn PST).
Wait to hit four weeks.
Wait to hit five weeks.
Wait to hit six weeks. Watch your anxiety about miscarriage fade a little with each passing milestone.
Wait to tell both sets of parents until Mother’s Day.
Wait for morning sickness to hit you, or not.
Wait to tell your softball team that the reason you’re being a horrible flake of a player isn’t because you suddenly suck at being a human being, but because you’re growing a human being.
Wait for your first ultrasound appointment at 8 weeks, wondering all the while how the baby is doing.
Wait for your ten week apt to check to see if the hemorrhage they’ve spotted has shrunk. Hope everything will still be ok.
Wait to tell work until 12 weeks.
Wait for the results of your chromosomal abnormality test to come back and tell you if the baby’s ok.
Wait for the lovely nausea and fatigue to let the hell up already and allow you to regain life as a normal functioning human being.
Wait for the whole fucking first trimester to just be over already so you can stop lying to everyone in the world and be open and honest about the fact that you’re bringing this exciting thing into the world.
Hurry up and wait.
That’s all you do in the first trimester.
You wait, and you lie, and you wait some more, and lie to more people. But most of all, you just wait.