[These random thoughts, notes and feelings were entered randomly throughout my first trimester and they flow in order of my pregnancy progression from early early days till 13 weeks.]
– I am convinced there’s a bump. No one else sees it, especially not Adam, but I can see it so that’s all that matters.
– Each morning starts as following – Wake, roll over and grab cell phone, open the Nurture app and see how the baby is today. If the day marks a change into a new week (YEAH THURSDAYS!), also open the Ovia Pregnancy App and The Bump app. Otherwise it’s Nurture all day, every day.
– Things I can eat and actually enjoy eating – Taco Bell (you will never understand this baby’s love for Tbell), pasta of all kinds, pretzels, FRUIT (pineapple you make me so happy), and fizzy flavored water (might need to invest in a soda stream).
– Things I can’t eat – Basically everything else. Isn’t that fun?
– Who knew I could produce so much gas! Currently giving the dog and Adam a run for their money.
– Being pregnant makes me two things. #1 – mean as hell. Who knew I could become such an irritable cow? Apparently feeling like crap for weeks on end makes me really testy. Who knew! And #2, a sobbing mess. Commercials, all tv all the time, text messages people send (nothing like getting a sweet text message and having to pull over into a random parking lot to sob for five minutes straight), articles about anything and everything, movies, you name it, they’re making the water flow.
– My entire kitchen is filled with odd breakfast foods and strange snacks that a week after buying them I’m completely uninterested in. Based on my ever changing first trimester nausea tastes I should not be allowed to buy more than a sample pack of any one item. That 24 pack of Eggo waffles that was SO GREAT for three days in a row just judges me now from the bottom of my freezer.
– Dressing for the first trimester is just downright uncomfortable. Your clothes are starting to fit weird, but it feels too early to run out and buy pants with elastic up to your tits, so you basically just feel like an uncomfortable sausage who’s trying to hide that you’re bloated and have a beer belly that is actually a secret baby you’re lying to everyone about. Also, half the things you put on in your closet feel like they draw unwanted attention to your wannabee baby bump and overall just make you look fat. Basically, getting dressed during the first trimester is just an exercise in uncomfortable secret fatness hiding.
– I suck at lying. Like 50% of people I’m close to at work know I’m pregnant. Plus my hair stylist. And the lady at the yogurt shop. And basically everyone, everywhere. Take that 12 week wait!
– If my pregnancy books, articles and apps tell me to workout a couple times a week one more time I’m going to punch a bitch. When one lap around the dog park makes you feel like you’ll hurl and pass out, I think I can skip it this week.
– My child has only two pieces of clothing so far. And both of them are Blackhawk onsies. This could be an issue.
– Sea Bands are morning sickness life savers. They’re totally ugly, and make welts on my wrists after a few hours, but OMG they make me feel like a normal human again. If only I wasn’t forced to find a way to hide them with long sleeves throughout the entire month of JUNE in Chicago.
– Poor Adam. The first trimester is getting to him. There was a time when he was married to a normal human woman. A woman who liked to cook, no LOVED to cook. She’d make interesting and healthy meals 6-7 days a week and ensure the house had a reasonable amount of snacks at the ready. Then she got pregnant and food became the enemy. Suddenly there was no food in the house, and if food could be found it was Eggo waffles, or Italian Ices, or cherries for days, or bags of pretzels the size of your head. Dinner was no longer a time to sit down together and share a meal, but a time for survival. Vegetables were the enemy, carbs were king, and only pizza would do. He stood in the kitchen, hearing dinner would not be served yet again and sighed. Was the first trimester over yet?
– Man, you sure spend a lot of time with your pants off with people rooting around in your lady bits when you’re pregnant.
– Is it wrong that I love farting this much? I never really produced gas before getting pregnant, and if I did it was stealthy. Now I’m a truck driver on a bean and cheese burrito diet. It’s all sound and furry, and each time Adam flinches I smile. I feel like I’m 12.
– Thank GOD for the nurse who’s entire job is to take messages from me and the rest of us crazy pregnant broads and answer our hormonal questions. There’s nothing more comforting than a sarcastic mother figure who you can call when the internet is freaking you out to tell you, “Get off the internet right now. Everything is fine. The doctor said it’s fine, I’m saying it’s fine, the internet is made up of crack pots and crazy people, stop listening to them.” I love her.
– Sour fruit is my jam. Pineapple. Cherries. Tart apples. I will eat these by the truck load until I get canker sores. I honestly can’t get enough.
– I honestly think part of the reason I started feeling better around the end of week 9 is because this is when I began my morning ritual of eating an English muffin with peanut butter while driving to work. I’ve always been bad about breakfast, normally not eating it till around 10ish but after another pregnant friend suggested the morning protein breakfast trick I gave it a try, and before you knew it, I was feeling better! The few times I have gotten up and not immediately eaten this magic food I’ve felt like utter shit. So now it’s like morning medicine, me and my English muffin. I might be afraid to ever stop. Even after the baby is born.
– THERE’S A REAL BUMP YOU GUYS! LIKE A REAL ONE THAT’S NOT JUST IN MY HEAD BUT ADAM CAN SEE TOO AND WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW. Please also note for the records that when I turn and say to Adam, “Look, there’s like something really in there,” he sort of gives me this mildly terrified side eye look because instead of growing his first born, in his head I am growing an alien. I get it though, this must be super weird for a man to watch… Whatever. THERE’S A BUMP AND IT’S NOT ALL IN MY HEAD!
– It’s such a cliche how much I love pickles right now. I basically eat a minimum of three each night after coming home from work. If I didn’t have self control I could easily eat an entire jar of them in a single sitting. I’m growing cucumbers this year in our garden too simply so I can attempt to make my own pickles. I’m embarrassed for myself.
– I am a hair growing MACHINE. I’ve been known to stretch hair cut appointments out 5-6 months and I’ve been forced to return at the normally suggested 8 week mark for a trim because my hair was well past the point where I’d want it cut. Growing hair on my head is one thing though, other places hair is growing fast as hell include:
- My poor poor fuzzy eyebrows
- Chin hair! How fun
- Fastest growing leg hair in America. I swear I can shave and have stubble two hours later
- Who knew pregnancy lower back hair was a thing!
- I’m currently developing a nice layer of all over belly fuzz. I can only assume this is to keep the baby warm?????
– And for those still reading (nice work!) let’s end with an over-share! You guys. Taking an iron supplement (prescribed by my doc btw) has made my poop, green. For real. Like, I almost want to show Adam it’s so weird. Don’t worry though, both the internet and my nurse tell me this is totally normal. Man pregnancy is weird!
I’m so curious to hear what other weird funny tid-bits you all had during your first pregnancy! Weird things you didn’t expect, parts you loved, things you hated, be sure to share! I’ll be keeping another round of thoughts and notes as the pregnancy progresses, so who knows what’s next!