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Week 33 – Good o’l week 33. This week was overall uneventful and mostly dominated by two things. Taking our all day Birth Preparation Class at our hospital, and more of my best friend, Braxton Hicks.
Last Saturday we headed over in the middle of our first snow storm of the year to the hospital to learn all there is about going into labor, having the baby, the hospital where I’ll be giving birth, and how to take care of myself once I’m home. A large portion of the information we heard were things I’ve either heard from friends who’ve had kids or read online or through my books/apps, but still, it was good to sit there together and feel like we were on the same page. We got to participate in a little Lamaze breathing seminar which was good to take (I had planned to at least read up a little about it since the minute you go into labor you don’t also find yourself hooked up to an epidural), and the part I enjoyed the most was the hospital tour.
On one hand, standing in the labor and delivery room was calming because now I know what it looks like, but on the other hand it was a smack in the face of reality. This is where we’ll come very soon to have the baby. I will soon be in a lot of pain in a room that looks just like this. Talking through steps on getting an epidural, what will entail if you need a C-section, the steps of being induced, all of it was laid out for us to absorb. When it was all said and done I felt overwhelmed, tired, and pretty much over it, but of course that night I had a dream that while on the hospital tour they did a spinal blood draw (because of course, why wouldn’t they?), found out my spine was dying, and told me I had to have the baby right now. Adam was nowhere to be found, and I basically sobbed in my dream for what felt like 2 hours.
Besides my feelings about the tour that manifested in dream-land, the tour really made me feel like we’re so stinking close, but we’re still really far away. I desperately do NOT want her to be born now, even if I’m finding myself feeling over being pregnant at times. As scary as birth feels, the idea of going into labor with her still so little terrifies me to my core. And it doesn’t help that I have these Braxton Hicks to hold pre-term labor over my head every single day.
Each day is just a battle of the Braxton Hicks. Making sure I’m drinking enough water, trying not to let myself get too tired, just getting through each day. One night I simply stayed up too late, really tiring out my body, and by 10pm I found myself counting contractions anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart. After laying in bed panicking with tears streaming down my face I found myself drawing yet another anti Braxton Hicks bath, hoping they would stop. I’ll have times at work where they start to ramp up and I have to do all I can to stay calm, get water, keep my bladder empty, and just remind myself it’s going to be ok. Where a few months ago getting 4 in an hour felt like a lot, now 8 in an hour is child’s play. My uterus is sensitive as a mother fucker, and she’s here to let me know.
I’m trying to take it easy, not push myself into BH danger zone world, but sometimes I want to be a person too! We got about 10″ of fresh snow this past weekend and damn it, I wanted to take my dogs out in it. They love snow, and I didn’t want them to be deprived of playing in the lovely!
In the end though I only made it about two blocks before getting a cramp (walking any bit of distance gives me cramps now which is lovely), and then my determination of walking through the snow around the pond so the dogs could frolic off leash ended up wiping me out like I couldn’t believe. I have wanted to stay fit through this pregnancy, but when walking my dogs has been giving me cramps since the beginning, now in my final stretch I feel like an invalid. It’s kind of a bummer, but I guess the good thing is there’s only a handful of weeks before the reason for all my un-walking will be removed.
So basically I’m just feeling fragile this week. Walking is giving me cramps, my Braxton Hicks leave me feeling like I’m on the verge of premature labor, sleep is really hard, which makes me tired, which brings on more Braxton Hicks, and it all leads back to me feeling anxious. I’m at this place now where I can visualize the finish line, but I’m also so far away from it. I want so badly just to hurry up and get to the end. Where we’re done, and we’re safe and they tell me she’s going to be ok and I can look at her and know we made it. Being this close I feel like I’m playing with fire, what if something happens right at the end, right at the finish line, and it paralyzes me with fear. I just need to know she’s ok and put this all behind me.
I’m trying to think of little milestones. My Dr. said that at 35 weeks I can have as many Braxton Hicks as I want without having to freak out about counting contractions or them causing pre-labor issues. So that feels huge. At 37 weeks she’s considered term and encouraged to join the world at her leisure. And lastly, if she’s born any moment after 1/1/16 12:01am then Adam qualifies for his company’s new paternity leave plan. They’re small little milestones, but I’m holding on to them, one day at a time.
I have my good days, and my bad days, but ultimately I’m trying to take it a day at a time. I remind myself the holidays move really fast, and we’re getting so close. As I type this, 43 days. Just 43 more days (give or take another 7 if she decides to be late) and we’ll be done.
We’ve got this baby girl.