I have struggled and failed to write a post about my daughter turning 1 year old now for over an hour. Write, delete, write, delete. Over and over. Making it to her first birthday feels like such a big deal, and yet at the very same time, such a small thing. I’ve been flooded lately with so many memories of those early weeks as we struggled to figure out how to parent this tiny angry person. Wondering if we’d made a huge mistake. And the moment that memory fades I’ll find myself trying to fast forward time. Wondering what she’ll be like in a year, in two, in ten. She’s changed so much over this past year, I can’t even believe how different she’ll be in another year. I catch myself wondering what she’ll sound like, what interests she’ll have, who she’ll be when she grows up. We’ve learned so much about her so far, but she’s still such an unknown. Who’s in there?
Becoming a parent is the most life altering experience I’ve ever known. I always knew parenthood would change me, but it has been so much more drastic than I ever could have predicted. My priorities changed, my wants and desires shifted, my sleep, my free time, my idea of a good time, everything changed the day she was born. But I don’t miss the days before Nellie. Not even in the slightest. Ok ok, I do miss sleeping in. And flying on an airplane without a child in my lap. But otherwise she’s great and I’ll keep her.
Today I have this amazing little person in my life who has changed everything for the better. It’s so fucking cheesy, but it’s so true.
I’m sure eventually this will cease to be true (*cough* teenage girl *cough*), but right now each month older, each milestone achieved feels more fun than the last. I’ve never dreaded Nellie getting older, I’ve never longed for the squishy, helpless, mad baby she once was. Instead I’ve longed for the next milestone. Already we have this little person who walks, and babbles, thinks she’s so funny, looks at the world with these big eyes, is so curious, loves dogs and people and trying new things. She is great in a restaurant, sleeps like a champ, and is an overall joy to be around. In one year we’ve checked off so many firsts, and I’m thrilled that there are still so many amazing firsts to go.
Today also marks the end of a year long project I’ve been working on to take 1 second of video every day for her first year of life. Using an app called One Second Everyday I select my daily video and watch as Nellie’s entire first year flashes before me. After collecting these tiny moments every single day over the last year we actually made it to the end. Over the course of 6 minutes and 11 seconds you can watch my child grow from a little squish to the crazy little toddler she’s become.
My baby’s all grown up.