The Accidental Olympian

EVERYONE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY ALTER EGO

When I asked for help with derby names I had no idea I would end up with like 700 names to choose from! Turns out a few of you are SERIOUSLY talented in the derby name creation department. You should probably quit your jobs RIGHT NOW and go into a career in derby name consultation.

After receiving all the names last week I managed to widdle it down to a nice little group, and then ran them through the official roller derby name registry. Turns out some of my favorites already exist on the jerseys of other roller derby talent scattered throughout this country. Damn you all for picking them before me!

(shakes fist at the ceiling)

With my remaining list, and after much deliberation I decided the derby name to grace the back of my jersey from this moment forward will be,

Ash'n Burn

Many thank yous to Jen from Open Mouth, Insert Foot for suggesting my new roller derby name. I bow to your creativity.

So everyone, I now have a roller derby name (provided it doesn't suddenly get rejected or taken!). Since I managed to get that squared away I guess the next thing I'll do is keep working on the whole 'slamming my body into the opposing team at high speeds' thing before my first bout on February 14th (click here for tickets). Yes, you heard that right. The first time to catch me in fishnets, a deathly short skirt and skates is Valentines Day. Roses and chocolate is SO overrated. Nothing says, "I love you" like tickets to a roller derby bout people.

So Jen, as the winner of this little contest there is a bag of Oly Roller coffee headed your way! Lets just cross our fingers I can get it there before Christmas... 

Thank you again for everyone who suggested a name. You are all so amazingly creative. If it wasn't for your help my derby name would probably be something amazing like, "Oly's Owner."

Guess I'll have to leave that little gem for the next lucky derby girl.

I NEED HELP. I LACK ORIGINALITY.

So remember when I made this big deal about how I joined a roller derby team, but then I sort of never said much about it after that? Yeah me too. I'm betting a few of you even suspected I realized I hated roller derby after the second practice, but to avoid any public humiliation simply kept my mouth shut and instead rambled on about things like FROST.

Sorry to disappoint anyone who had money riding on me being a quitter. This little lady has been strapping wheels to my feet three days a week and learning things like the proper way to slam my body into moving human targets. FUN STUFF! Turns out I love roller derby. And even better, I don't totally suck super unbelievable ass at it. I only mildly suck. Go me!

I have realized a few things about myself over the course of the last month and a half at derby practice. One of them being that I will probably never ever ever ever again have skin on my right inside ankle bone. I am THIS close to buying stock in Johnson & Johnson because I am pretty sure I am single-handedly keeping them in business from all the band-aids, medical tape, and gauze I've been buying. At this point, all I'm trying to do is keep the gaping wound on my ankle from becoming infected with gangrene and then needing to amputate my entire foot. Because as kick ass as it would be to suddenly be this amazing one footed derby girl, I have a feeling I might lack coordination at high speeds. I'm just saying.

The other less disgusting thing I've learned about myself while at roller derby practice is that I am COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY UNORIGINAL. The time where I become an actual dues paying league member of the Oly Rollers is fast approaching. This means I am extremely close to needing a derby name. People keep asking me what my derby name is so they can register me as a full fledged bad ass derby girl, and I just sort of mumble something, stare off into space and start to drool hoping they'll be grossed out and leave me and my non-derby named self alone.

I think and think and think, and I just can't commit to anything people. I keep getting stuck on the idea that I will register this name, and for the rest of my derby career this name will be my identity. Talk about some pressure. 

So here's where I ask for your help. Because you're prettier than I am, and funnier, and smarter, and much more capable of seeing past this hurdle than I can. I am asking for derby names. Leave me a comment with whatever you got. It could be a play on my name, a play off someone famous (ex. Helen Killer), or completely and totally random.

Here's how we'll do this. Either come up with a new name and leave it in the comments (PLEASE SEND ME TONS!!!!!!) or let me know if you're loving one of the names already suggested to me below.

Penny Pincher *
Ash Bash *   (*suggested by Joy of The Cauliflower Lollipop)
Skate Scalper
Ashterburner
Olyminator
Ash-hole~
Ash'n'Burn~  (~suggested by Jen of Open Mouth, Insert Foot)
Ashley Thudd
Bashley, Crashly or Smashly
Penni Less

If I end up using the name you suggested then I am going to send you a bag of the fantabulous Oly Rollers, Roller Blend coffee. YEAH FOR GIVING AWAY MORE FREE STUFF! The tag line at the bottom of the bag says something about the coffee being a bed & breakfast blend made with Central American coffee, but I think it should say something like, "This blend will kick your ass, knock you out of bounds and then lap you twice. A coffee that will leave you crying for your momma."

So go! Comment away! And remember, you very well could suggest the name I will officially register as my derby name FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I mean when you think about it, this could be the start of a beautiful partnership between you and I.  

** UPDATE. You have until Friday December 18th to give me names. I'll mull over it this weekend and announce the winner on Sunday Dec 20th, and hopefully have your coffee in the mail by Monday the 21st. So HURRY!!!!!! **

WE HAVE A WINNER!

I've never done this before, this whole giving things away on my blog, but HOT DAMN THAT WAS A TON OF FUN! I loved being able to give something away no strings attached, but mostly I loved being able to hear from some of the people who have been reading my blog in the shadows.

Yes, I'm looking at YOU. Hi there!

With the contest over, I went to random.org, put in my min and max and BOOM!

I wont lie to you, I thought it was sort of predictable and not at all that random when a site that prides itself on being random picked the number 10 out of 20 choices. But, I thought it would be equally lame of me to keep hitting 'generate' until I got a number that suited my desire for randomness. Whatever the hell that even means.

So, the lovely and talented Ashley will be winning the tiny, adorable, precious, can I come over some time and eat salsa out of it, casserole dish from Cookware.com.

Next time, I want to give away a car.

Or a pony!

Or I know, an ELEPHANT!

Really though, I'm not picky.

HURRY! I HAVE GOOD NEWS!

So back in March when I started this blog the only thing I thought would come of it was that it would be a fantastic way to kill some of the 40+ hours a week I was spending at home alone being pathetic and unemployed. I knew my mom would read it, hoped maybe a friend or two might glance at it, but really that’s about as far as my imagination carried me.

Then before I knew it, ALL YOU FABULOUS PEOPLE SHOWED UP and I was like, “Um excuse me? Are you lost?” But no, turns out you aren’t lost, which is amazing and delightful. Please, come over to my house, I shall cook you something and get you drunk in appreciation.

Even more wild than knowing that there are real live people who read this blog is having a great company like Cookware.com contact me to see if I would be interested in giving something back to the people. They actually allowed ME, crazy o’l me look around on their site and pick something out to give to YOU my fantabulous readers!

SO, I was instantly drawn to the Rachael Ray Cookware section, because no matter what you say about her voice, I LOVE her food, but then something even more scrumptious caught my eye.  Not sure if you know this about me, but I am obsessed with Le Creuset. I frequently get distracted by the Le Creuset section of my grocery store and stop to pet the tea pots which I am fully aware is weird and creepy behavior. Seeing as I can’t actually afford to own any of their items, I immediately headed over to the Le Creusset section of the website to pick something out for YOU. I wanted to give a lucky reader a kitchen full of this stuff, but alas I had limits. BUT, even with my limitations I was able to find an ADORABLE little serving dish with a snazzy lid in their price range.

One lucky reader will win the Le Creuset 12oz Petite Oval Casserole Dish. If you actually know how to bake adorable miniature casseroles, more power to you. I would probably use this for things like salsa or dip at parties, but hey, some of us are classy, and some of us just aren’t. I can live with that.

So, if you want a chance to win this lovely little dish of adorableness, write ANYTHING in the comments. What you’d make with it if it was yours, a funny story, hell just introduce yourself if you’ve been reading in the shadows. HI! NICE TO MEET YOU! WOULD YOU LIKE A TINY CASSEROLE DISH? I ain't picky. I’ll use a random generator to pick a number, and then POOF! This Friday I’ll close the comments at 5, and after that I'll contact the winner to get their info and ask what color they want!

People, it doesn’t get any easier than that.

So go, comment away, and if you’re lucky this little guy might just come home with you.*

*disclaimer, only US and Canadian readers please. I know, I know, sorry I don’t make the rules.